A friend's Facebook thread on love, friendship, romance and cultural expectations provoked a vivid memory: I told a trainee psychiatrist that I was supporting myself and my abusive boy friend. Did he tell me to get out of an abusive situation? No. The mental health provider told me I was castrating my boyfriend by working. If I stopped working, the boyfriend would have to "be a man" and get a job. In those days, the cusp of the 50's and 60's, psychiatrists were credited with enormous authority and arcane knowledge. I actually quit a job with a career path! No, the boyfriend did not suddenly become a responsible, reliable "man." He did not get a job. He blamed me, threatened and hit me. I got a part-time job to scrape the rent together, still trying to not castrate this poor victim of female role deviance. It took me two years to give up on the project and leave.
It was that vital to be in a relationship, any kind of relationship, with a man.
See Amatonormativity Harms Us All, on EverydayFeminism.com
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Showing posts with label personal influences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal influences. Show all posts
Friday, April 15, 2016
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Family History
Family history enlivens the past, enlightens the present.
Everyone shares the family history of humankind. Personal family history includes the decisions, actions and attitudes in the recent past, and the present, of people who influence our own ways of being. Some of these people are biological relatives, some adopted, whether formally or informally. A parent's close friend, or hot enemy, may have as much impact on a family as kin. Public figures that were or are much admired tell us of family aspirations and ideals. The early loss of a parent, the loss or gain of a job, or the management of a business can impact several generations. So can the effect of an era, such as the Great Depression of the 1930's, or the counter-culture movements of the 1960's.
Nature and nurture work together in each person's development. Humans are social beings, generalists, extremely adaptable. They are also loners, specialists, and rigid.
We are not limited by our genetic and social givens, but they do give a structure on which we build a life by our choices today.
Everyone shares the family history of humankind. Personal family history includes the decisions, actions and attitudes in the recent past, and the present, of people who influence our own ways of being. Some of these people are biological relatives, some adopted, whether formally or informally. A parent's close friend, or hot enemy, may have as much impact on a family as kin. Public figures that were or are much admired tell us of family aspirations and ideals. The early loss of a parent, the loss or gain of a job, or the management of a business can impact several generations. So can the effect of an era, such as the Great Depression of the 1930's, or the counter-culture movements of the 1960's.
Nature and nurture work together in each person's development. Humans are social beings, generalists, extremely adaptable. They are also loners, specialists, and rigid.
We are not limited by our genetic and social givens, but they do give a structure on which we build a life by our choices today.
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